#the most upsetting side effect is i feel like i'm losing alfonse's voice like i feel like i used to be able
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Every day I wake up, I'm full of inspiration and ambition, I lollygag a bit, I kinda skirt around it, I actively avoid The Thing I WANT to do. Then I just kinda give up and do something else.
#idk what's up w this but like. the more intensely i WANT the more i can't bring myself to do it.#like feh example like you'd think bc it's ALL i'm on about. i'd be deeply IN the source material#and i have felt i've been away doing my own thing for too long i need to revisit it. i Need to#but for some reason it's unbearable. not bad. i just can't bear it. i do NOT know what's up w that#i wanna keep listening to a playlist too (hoping it's still up) but like. i broke away. and i am struggling to return.#AND LIKE. BEYOND FEH. i feel this about video games in general like i have to do something that requires no commitment.#labyrinth of galleria was great for this. for some INEXPLICABLE reason. it is just a COMPLETELY different experience#like. the feelings i feel when playing galleria vs like etrian odyssey where i'm VERY attached to my guys#the most upsetting side effect is i feel like i'm losing alfonse's voice like i feel like i used to be able#to mimic his speech patterns PERFECTLY. but everything just feels off or not cleaned up enough#and again i can't fucking bear it. like i am almost going to fucking cry about it. like what is wrong here.#like WHY can't i get myself to DO. THE THINGS. I LIKE. THAT BRING ME JOY. THE COMMITMENT.#i think i'm also worried like i don't wanna get to the point where like. my blorbos are unrecognizable.#spent too much time in my head and now they're all warped and weird. but like. like. for some reason.#esp if i feel this INTENSE fucking affinity it's like. i get in this weird headspace where can't look directly at it.#i should do ANYTHING else. what is my fucking PROBLEM.#does anybody have a cure. or do i just give up forever.
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